hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
