It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He felt like a one man threesome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
