I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
