I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
