If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
