I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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