He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
