The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
