I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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