i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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