i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
