If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think i got beer on your cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
