i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
