waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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