I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
