tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
