Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
