She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
