That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
