Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
