So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
