I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
