It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
