you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I stole a fireplace last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
