Farmville is her only friend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
