Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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