I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
