the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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