I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
