Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
