I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I believe in your delicious
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
