My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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