He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
