chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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