Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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