I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
