4 words: hood of his car
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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