i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
