sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
