I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
