Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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