Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
