the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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