i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
