There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
