i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
