i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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