I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
