let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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