dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
