just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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