Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
