So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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