I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
