I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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